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This year represents a full decade since the term “disappearing” hit the mainstream. Initially, the concept that someone could suddenly stop contact with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the peak of indignity. How naive we were. In the decade since, finding a partner has only become more perplexing – an oftentimes fruitless exercise in humiliation that is increasingly defined by online lingo.

Generation Z, a cohort who matured during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a widespread challenge on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic landscape than their Gen Y predecessors could ever fathom. And so their romantic glossary has grown longer and more unhinged, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” testing the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a detailed glossary to the words this generation is using to navigate romance, sex and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the recent most enduring memes, by the conclusion of this list you’ll ache to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

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A

Authenticity – According to Zoomers, romance's gold standard is showing up as your true, unfiltered self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A online phenomenon inspired by a methodology developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something minor – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s reply is engaged or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” trope of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while oozing enigma and independence. (She may yet have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This signifies choosing someone who helps you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would fetch a seat for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people connect while running errands, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do budget-friendly dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can spiral over a infatuation or breakup, dumping all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Double income, no kids. Once a marker of 80s yuppie affluence, it refers to partners who choose against having children to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Open communication – The opposite of acting aloof: embracing communication, transparency and openness.

The Letter F

Indicators

• Danger signals – Behavioral traits signaling a potential partner is not right. Examples include calling their exes unstable, subpar tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits confirm your choice to pursue a partner. Such as following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These typically describe specific, largely benign quirks. Examples include being an enthusiastic ornithologist, still carrying around a pen in their purse, paying the rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things fosters closeness faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

Geese – A musical group many young men is into.

Zombie-ing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of silence.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, eager to please and devoted. The uncommon partner who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online subculture of men so obsessed with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally postponing climax so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A trend describing many women's increasing despair toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype promoted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily domestic, who apparently has no aspirations of her own aside from satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Icks – Arbitrary and often mundane turnoffs that immediately shut down any feelings of attraction.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to remember after you watch someone else get an extremely thoughtful act.

J

Jobs – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in sectors they perceive as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or therapists.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the era of kissing may be limited since some gen Z desire fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy authentic.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {